I spit my sadness on the walls like paint until the whole living room is dripping
I wring out my hair and what is running down the drain
is the urge to strive for perfection

At noon I share my lunch with that one girl at school
that does not know how to tie shoelaces
I tell her I’m sorry
She tells me she’s not

Sometimes my legs absorb all the weight of the universe and I can’t force them to keep me up

she tells me that she will get up as often as she falls
until she learns where the rabbit goes
I can’t remember who taught me to follow it down the hole

In the afternoon I remind myself to clean out the closet
in case the monsters who live there are craving company
God knows, I do

When the sun shines
her eyes become golden amber and she floats with a lightness
almost as if to say: I don’t need shoes

It’s raining in my head and it feels like April
soft, ambiguous April that never stays the same
because he chooses to grasp the opportunity of constant change

I use a young pastel blue to cover my bedroom ceiling
it reminds me that even though I keep wishing for wings
I’m closer to heaven when I’m home
and that all the sorrow that drowns me at night
is only dark at night
and becomes a bright ocean in the morning
that can carry me like I always carry my thoughts

One time I met somebody who told me that I am not as weak as I believe
I never thought I was weak
because I have counted all the pebbles that are stacked beneath my skin
and I hold this body up
whether I’m dragging it around
or it’s leading me like a puppet
it is mine

I have forgotten how old I was when I learned that being able to put on shoes and clothes
doesn’t mean that I’m not going to trip
and that everything will be fine
if I just get up again

I scream at the moon as she’s weeping waves of thunder
glaring down on me
at night I don’t care who hears
because no one can see

I walk on sand barefoot, stepping on shells and lost necklace lockets
that are filled with memories and so much love
and I feel like one of the faces inside

My shoes are at home

Wherever that is